One thick, fluffy roll of cotton. 5-6" in diameter. Flap folds over the top. Found usually with a posse of 5 buddies. Goes by the name, "Cottonelle". Aka, "T.P." as heard on the streets.
One male human. Blue eyes. Same last name as victim. May have cotton fibers left over on fingerprints. Will have guilty look on face when confronted. May claim he did not realize roll was left vacant. Suspect may be armed with excuses but is not considered dangerous.
Does this look familiar to you?
This speaks a thousand words without actually saying anything. First, it screams “touched by a male”, and I only know this fact because it is always of the male persuasion that leaves the untidy empty roll in our house. I have a good idea of which male probably disappeared into the shadows, but I can’t be 100% certain because there are two suspects living in our home. How hard of a task is this guys??
Secondly, women don’t leave untidy empty rolls on the holder. We know if we left it like that, we’d get called upon to rescue such male in the midst of a private moment anyway by tossing one to them. Or, it would be our luck that we would again be the next person to need the bathroom and the empty roll would still be there in silence. So, we change it, right then and there. And we even restock the extra rolls if their “extras” spot happens to be completely empty in the bathroom. You know, to make it easier on anyone who needs to reach for a new roll and replace it next time. We are thoughtful like that. Because we are women.
There is also a universal groan that comes from women around the world when they realize the roll is empty, and has not been replaced. It’s a sound that is a cross between the growl of a bear and the exhale of a yawn, followed by an eyeroll left over from teenage-hood. Mine sounds like that anyway. That huff and puff we do when we realize we’ve been left to forage for a new roll, says “How inconsiderate of you! How lazy of you!”
Is there a gene missing in the male genetic makeup that accounts for the actions of such creatures? It doesn’t begin and end with the toilet paper roll either. Oh no. It goes hand in hand with the toilet seat being left up, the bar of soap smidge left behind in the shower, the few morsels of cereal hidden in the powdery substance at the bottom of a cereal box, the trash bag that might hold just one more thing, you get the picture.
I’m sure there is a list of “female factor” line items that could be addressed here. But since it’s my blog, and I’m writing about being the victim of the untidy empty toilet paper roll, there will be no lady bashing. And since I was alone without any male companions this afternoon, my huff and puff was not heard when I discovered such conditions. It was a nice parting gift don’t you think?
Thursday, December 27, 2007